Is premarital counseling required?
I offer premarital education to the couples whose marriages I perform. Premarital education is not required, but 2-4 sessions are recommended in order to help couples have realistic expectations and shared goals. The State of Oklahoma encourages couples to participate in premarital education by reducing marriage license fees from $50 to $5 for those couples who have completed at least one session of premarital education. My fee per session of premarital education is $50, so the first session nearly pays for itself.
What do you teach in premarital education that we don't already know?
Having a happy, lifelong marriage requires skills that we aren't taught in school. By taking all four sessions, you will learn:
Upon completion of at least one session, you receive a Certificate for a $45 discount on the Oklahoma marriage license.
- Four ways to avoid the greatest sources of marital arguments and divorce.
- A proven technique for resolving conflicts so each partner is heard with respect.
- The brain-wiring differences between men and women, and how each gender can use its strengths and overcome its weaknesses in relationships.
- How unselfish mature love acts toward the beloved.
- How to keep the fun and romance in your marriage.
How do I get a marriage license? Do I need a blood test? Is there a waiting period?
Every jurisdiction has specific rules about how you apply for a marriage license and what requirements must be met. In Tulsa County, you apply for a marriage license at the County Courthouse, 500 S. Denver, second floor in the area marked "License." The License costs $50 without premarital education and $5 if you have a Certificate stating that you have completed premarital education (see above). No blood test is required, and there is no waiting period once you have the license. A useful resource for information on other locations can be found at: http://www.weddingvendors.com/marriage-license-laws/. I am happy to assist you in figuring out what paperwork needs to be completed.
Can we meet with you prior to the wedding?
I encourage you to do so and there is no charge for this initial interview. I like to get to know people before performing their ceremonies. I do not require that you meet with me, but it is much easier to personalize the ceremony when we plan together. If you live some distance away and are unable to meet with me in person until just prior to the ceremony, we can use the phone, fax, e-mail and U.S. mail to design the ceremony.
Should we have a rehearsal?
Although it is not required, I generally recommend a rehearsal if there are more than 4 people involved in the ceremony (wedding couple plus two witnesses). A rehearsal takes pressure off of the couple so that they can enjoy their wedding day without worrying whether everyone knows what they are supposed to do. I am happy to participate in the rehearsal and will lend assistance, answer questions and help the wedding party and family members understand their roles. The fee for a one-hour rehearsal is included in the wedding price. I typically charge more for longer rehearsals. See Fee Services below.
Can we write our own vows? Can you help us?
Many couples today don't want a "generic" ceremony, one that looks and sounds like everyone else's. Based on what we discuss, your ceremony will be uniquely yours--completely personalized and customized. And if you wish, I will include some of the high points of your own romantic "love story." I can even suggest special rituals such as ceremonial food, music, poetry, readings, and flower ceremonies, and I have an extensive lending library of wedding vows, readings, etiquette, inter-faith and multi-cultural ceremonies.
Besides actually marrying us, what other services can you provide?
I can provide a variety of services to help you make your wedding special. This is just a sampling of some of the services I offer.
- Initial meeting, telephone and email conferences at no charge
- Tailoring the ceremony specifically to your background, family, culture and traditions
- Including the names of loved ones in the ceremony
- Honoring parents, grandparents and children with a role in the ceremony
- Recommending special ceremonial touches, from the familiar to the extraordinary: unity candles, flower ceremonies, sand pouring, candle dripping, handfasting, doves, butterflies, fireworks and more
- Use of my extensive lending library of vows, ethnic and cultural traditions and etiquette
- Special, unique and personalized recommendations for your altar arrangement, incorporating your special memories and wishes for the future
- Complementary use of my special selection of equipment like hurricane globes, unity candelabra, candle lighters and snuffers, white silk bouquets, white, gold or silver crosses, pedestals and altar tables
||$50 per session (2-4 sessions recommended)
|Wedding ceremony and one-hour rehearsal
||$350. Rates increase for more complex weddings, as agreed in writing
|Second hour of rehearsal and additional hours
||$50/hr, up to a maximum of $100
|Basic vow renewals, home blessings, Christenings
||$100 each and up, depending on complexity, as agreed in writing
The expense for travel outside Tulsa County is typically covered by the client, so please contact me to discuss your desired location.
Rev. Mildred Banks
Rev. Mildred finds unique ways of incorporating children in your ceremony.
"I have never been to a more beautiful wedding . . . the service was so dear, so full of love and happiness."
Rev. Mildred and another happy couple.
"Our wedding would never have been so personal, so right for us without your able assistance."
"We are so glad you
officiated at our wedding.
It was perfect."